ENTRY FOUR: WE CAN BE HEROES (JUST FOR ONE DAY)
Datalog 516-87-1964
Ahh, Earth-616. Despite being a fair way down the list of realities, everything seems to revolve around you in some way or form. Or at least it used. Or it will.
Hnn. Time travel. Pain in the ol’ noggin, yes?
Anyway, my time there was relatively short, all things considered. I had ended up on the Four Freedoms Plaza which was where the Fantastic Four, a superhero team, operated. They’ve got pretty advanced tech for their time period at their building, and, well, to say the sensors didn’t take kindly to my presence would’ve been an understatement, yes?
I eventually made my way inside and the Fantastic Four gave me the type of greeting I suppose they reserve for folks like Doctor Doom, eh? We had quite the scuffle until Mister Fantastic’s home defense systems started acting crosswired and began targeting anyone with superhuman capabilities… which included them, yes?
Naturally, I saw the opportunity to make a deal with them. In exchange for helping them sort things out and protect their son from their haywire inventions, I wanted access to a time machine which I figured they would have. After taking out the haywire robot and saving their son before it exploded (call me a softie, yes? Except you shouldn’t. Ever.), the Four let me use their home time machine (wish I could have one for myself, eh?).
However, when I let slip what I did for a living, they didn’t take too kindly to that little revelation and aborted the time-jump as I was halfway through. Rather than end up home in 8162, I ended up in the year 2020 (formerly labeled as Earth-8410). Can’t really complain too much; at least I wouldn’t have to put up with Spratt, yes?
Now, I’m sure you humans reading this at this point in time know that the year 2020 is… well, it’s not a great year, yes? It’s true for your reality, and I’d say doubly so for this one. The all-star hero of this reality is Iron Man, but not the one you’re familiar with. No, Arno Stark is pretty much all of his distant relative’s negative traits exemplified to the highest degree. He revels in being rich and only wants to get richer. I find that relatable, yes?
Anyway, I didn’t waste any time in finding work and started going after a gang that called themselves the Warlords. My newfound fame eventually came around to bite me and I found myself in a scuffle with 2020’s local Iron Man. Credit where it’s due, he fights good for a human, yes?
Eventually, we realized we had been set up by my employers to fight each other. After we put out differences aside, we, ah, took care of our doublecrossers before going our separate ways. Shortly after that, I spotted my old spacecraft and, curse my luck, it was carrying Spratt. Just when I was starting to enjoy life, yes? And to make matters worse, he was being chase by a nasty bloke calling himself Big Shot.
I still blame this all on the Doctor, between you and me, yes?
Things pretty much went back to normal for me at this point, at least for a time. I had Spratt back on my side (regrettably) and I was back to taking on odd jobs; only difference now was the time period, yes?
After I took out a murderer named Rogan (and got an unwanted crisis of conscience from a woman I had killed him in front of), I found Spratt being harassed by Big Shot again (or maybe… maybe I was simply misremembering the initial encounter. Gah, that’s what I get for relying on some of your guys’ records to help jog my memory, eh?). He was going on and on about revenge and he put up a hell of a fight, yes? Just my luck that I started to get flashbacks from my origin story. Rather inconvenient, no?
Just as Big Shot was about to finish me off, he was blasted aside by a woman who turned out to be Pyra—hope you remember her from my first entry, yes? Poor woman thought I was still her husband Lupex—who, as luck would have it, transported me back to Styrakos. My old man explained my origin to me and said that Pyra was under the belief that he had already transfered his spirit into me, when he had never gotten around to ever doing that. He then tried to do just that and, well, I wasn’t having any of it, yes? After I took him out, Pyra arrived and revealed to me that she had always known that I wasn’t really Lupex. Was simply a ruse in order to set up this very showdown, yes?
Hnn. Organics and their mind games. Any wonder why I’m not fond of them?
Still, I couldn’t help but admire her cleverness. Mother always knows best, yes? I returned to 2020 and continued my work with Spratt—not like I had much of a choice, eh?
I suppose by this point, my escapades throughout time and space had gotten the attention of the Time Variance Authority. They hired me to help them address disturbances throughout the timeline and, well, I wasn’t going to turn down money like theirs, was I? A trip to Earth-8810 to investigate a time bubble led me to cross paths with the Fantastic Four again, as well as some of their other superhero friends. We managed to put our past grievances aside to deal with a version of Kang the Conqueror and oh, don’t get me started on that guy. He managed to get a hit on my vehicle and I ended up phasing out of reality. Not very fair, yes? The TVA managed to pull me out of that little inconvenience and sent me back to 2020. Decided to put my resignation in then and there.
Another job I took around this time was to procure a vase from the “present day” of Earth-616. This brought me into conflict with a superheroine named She-Hulk and the vase got broken in the process. Fortunately, the green lady let me take the disc that was contained within the vase and I was able to get my payment.
Needless to say, by this point I needed a break from the chaos that was my life. Decided to unwind at a party on Maruthea where I happened to see my old Doctor friend. At this point, I had decided to let bygones be bygones and simply raised my glass in acknowledgment. After getting into a fun little party fight, I made my way home and…
Hang on. I’m reading through the records you folks have on me and… I don’t remember this next bit.
Hob attacked me? I teamed up with my future self only to then try and kill him? The friggin’ DOCTOR erased my memory? And what is this about him being responsible for ending up in Earth-120185? Is there a page missing here or something?
Okay, I remember being killed by Minion—he’s some robot made by A.I.M., yes? He assimilated me and, thanks to Mister Fantastic of all people, I was able to assert a little bit of control, leading to him becoming Death’s Head Mark II. Lots I could detail here but it would get way too complicated and, well, it wasn’t really me who lived through that, yes? That would be my successor. He’s an all right bloke, I guess. But his story is his to tell, not mine.
As for how I got back to being, well, me… story for another time, yes? Besides, there are some records here that even I haven’t figured out the timeline of yet. A whole mess, eh?
Oh yeah and Spratt was killed. Figures.
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