SIX: OF ALL THE DIRTY JOBS
Sometime earlier, outside of time and space…
“It is better this way. You understand that, yes?”
Death’s Head said nothing, his face ever stoic and impassive as he stood before the set of monitors that provided a glimpse into the never-ending multiverse. Around him, bland-looking humans in equally bland suits and ties milled about, going about their day as they treated the fabric of reality like an everyday desk job.
The man standing next to him—Mr. Paradox as they called him—patted Death’s Head on the back. Under normal circumstances, Death’s Head would have torn him apart for this act. But doing so here would cost him his very existence… and then some.
“Don’t fret, my friend. You will still retain the memories of your old life. Your service to the TVA has earned you that much. And if it makes you feel any better, this new reality will still be mostly the same to yours, just with some… subtle changes.”
“I still don’t understand the point of all of this,” Death’s Head muttered.
“To put it in Terran terms, it’s simple consolidation. The fewer universes there are, the less interference there is, and thus the less pruning we have to do. All in the name of perfect harmony.”
“Sure. Whatever.” Death’s Head turned his head to look at Paradox. “So, now what? Did you just bring me here to show me that you’re renovating my home?”
Paradox chuckled. “No, no, don’t worry. We still have work for you. In fact, we still have some… unfinished business to take care of.”
Death’s Head felt that he knew where this was knowing but he feigned ignorance all the same. “Unfinished, eh?”
“Yes. It involves that job you did in Earth-9814. With that robot called… Expanse, was it?”
“What of it?”
Paradox gestured at the monitor displaying Death’s Head’s evolving reality. “One of the major changes that we are making for your home universe involves those machines from Cybertron. The Transformers will be active on Earth for much longer than they did originally.”
“So?”
“So,” Paradox stressed, “there is a bit of a… gap that needs filling. In the original iteration of your universe, Expanse was transported from Earth-9814 to Earth-103192 where he spent time with the X-Men. But now Expanse has been returned to 9814 and the X-Men are without their mechanical ally in this new timeline.”
“Again, so? Who says they have to have him around? Just pretend he never existed, yes?”
“Normally, yes.” Paradox glanced around the room before stepping closer to Death’s Head, lowering his voice into a conspiratorial tone. “But the people above me have taken a particular interest in Expanse. They want to see him brought back in order to better study him as well as to learn about where he’s from.”
“You’ve got eyes on the entire multiverse, yes?” Death’s Head motioned to the array of monitors. “Seems like you can get all your answers from here.”
“Earth-9814 is… different. We have yet to get a grasp of its full history as well as the direction it’s going. It seems as if every time we look at it, something else is different about it or something has been added to it. And ever since the God Gun incident, it’s only gotten worse.” Paradox shook his head. “Since you have experience with dealing with Expanse, you’re the only one I can trust to bring him in to the new Earth-6697.”
“You’ll have to pay me double this time,” Death’s Head grunted. “That’s what the Autobots did to make me forget about the Bug Bite job.”
“Whatever your price is, we’ll pay it. Just see to it that the job is done.”
“Mister Paradox,” a TVA worker called from their station. “We’ve got another fluctuation from Earth-9814. The patterns match those of Expanse’s transwarp drive.”
Paradox smirked at Death’s Head. “And there you have it. I’ll leave you to it, then.”
“Fine.” Death’s Head made an exasperated noise as he primed his teleportation device. “Of all the dirty jobs….”
Location: Earth-6697; Year: 1985
The bounty was in the bag. It hadn’t been much of a struggle, this time; Death’s Head had simply pulled him out mid-transwarp jump and brought him straight to the Earth of reality number 6697—his new home reality. Now all he needed to do was to find the X-Men of this revised timeline and set things back to the way they had been.
Only now, he had these people to deal with.
The techno-organic girl he remembered from the last time he had dealt with Expanse—Sari was her name, he believed. The three Autobots that were with her, he had no idea, but he had a feeling that they did not belong here either. That was something he would probably have to deal with.
The five of them just stood there, a barely conscious Expanse laying between them. Death’s Head considered whether he should call them in to the TVA or deal with them personally himself so he would never have to deal with them again.
That was when his communicator pinged, indicating a call from the TVA. Not even caring if he had an audience this time, he decided to take it. “Yes?”
Mr. Paradox’s strained voice came in. “Death’s Head, we’ve got another situation. Have you located Expanse?”
“Got him right here.”
“Okay. Because we just detected another fluctuation indicating another transwarp jump. It seems like someone from 1985 just made a jump forward to 1995. I need you to investigate and make sure that it’s nothing serious. The last thing we need is for this new timeline to already have issues.”
“Pretty naive thinking, no?” Death’s Head sighed. “Fine. I’ll check it out. Also, just to let you know, there are four other interlopers from Earth-9814 here.”
“What—?!” Death’s Head ended the call before Paradox could finish his exclamation. He then looked back down at Sari and her three Autobot friends.
“I get the feeling that this has to do with you. And since I just want to get this whole thing wrapped up and over with, you’re coming with me so I can send you all back home… or take you into TVA custody. Sounds like a deal, yes?”
Sari and the three Autobots exchanged glances. The black Autobot with a red visor then inclined his head. “I take it we don’t have much of a say in this.”
“No.”
“Then I suppose it’s a deal,” said Sari. “Besides, the idea of going home sounds pretty good right about now….”
“Glad you think so.” Death’s Head readjusted his device to lock on to all of his new passengers. “Let’s get this over with, yes?”
Year: 1995
“Now tell me, Autobot: Where did you come from? Has Optimus Prime found a way to use the Creation Matrix again?”
Gigawatt found that it was very hard to answer Megatron’s questioning when he had a fusion cannon shoved straight into his face. “D-do you mean the Matrix of Leadership?” he asked meekly. “I m-mean, n-no. I w-wasn’t created b-by Optimus Prime. How is th-that—that…?”
“Ha! Listen to him!” the Decepticon Cyberjet known as Space Case pointed a finger at Gigawatt. “He’s stuttering like a moron! I bet he’s leaking oil!”
Megatron pressed his cannon closer to Gigawatt’s face, a nasty scowl tainting his expression. “Start talking, Autobot! My patience is wearing thin! What is that device built into your chassis?”
“I—I’m n-not t-t-telling you!”
“I guess he’s not t-t-talking!” Hooligan jeered. “I guess we should just s-s-scrap him! Ha ha!”
Gigawatt could feel his inner systems overheating and overworking themselves. His processor felt as if it was going to short out. This was how it was going to end, he realized. He was going to die in a universe that was not his own, with his transwarp device in the hands of the wrong people. It only figured, he supposed. Just his luck….
“Very well then,” Megatron snarled. “I suppose if you’re not going to talk, then it shall be the scrapheap for you!”
The inner barrel of his fusion cannon began to glow. Gigawatt shuttered his optics, bracing himself for the end.
“Megatron!” a gruff voice called out. “Autobots incoming!”
“Grah!” Gigawatt opened his optics to see Megatron turn away from him, no longer pointing his arm cannon. “Of all the times… Cyberjets! Take offensive aerial positions! Auto Rollers, you will serve as advance guard!”
“What about the stuttering one, Lord Megatron?” asked Skyjack.
As Megatron turned back to look at Gigawatt, there was a flash of light, and before Gigawatt’s very own optics, a frightening, almost demonic looking mechanoid appeared between him and the Decepticon leader. Megatron had no time to react as the newcomer pushed him aside before grabbing Gigawatt by the arm. Another flash of energy surrounded them, and before Gigawatt knew it he was back with Ectotron, Knightride, and Maverick. Also with them was the strange techno-organic that he had seen earlier.
“Well, that was easy,” Maverick remarked. “Good to have you back, Gigs.”
Gigawatt looked from them to his savior and the techno-organic female. “Wha-what’s going on-on?”
“Hell if I know,” said Knightride. He looked over to the demonic-looking mechanoid. “So, you gonna take us back home now?”
“W-wait!” Gigawatt exclaimed. “There are still others I n-need to f-find! Blue Booster and Wingtail, Party Wallop, the Street Fighters—”
“Not my problem,” said Death’s Head. “What is my problem is you guys getting in the way of my job. So, I’m going to send you all back home and I’m going to carry on with my work, yes? That way, I never have to see you again.”
“N-n-no! You’re making a huge m-mis-mistake—!”
Before he could even finish, Death’s Head pointed his device at the five of them, and in an instant they were no longer on Earth but in some cold dark room. Gigawatt fell to his knees and pounded the floor with his fists.
“N-no one… no one ever l-listens to m-me….”
Ectotron put a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, relax. Can’t you just activate your transwarp drive?”
“It d-doesn’t work w-without either lightning or s-solar energy. I need to be outside.”
“Okay, then we go outside.” Maverick looked around the room in search of a door or window. There were none. “Uh, how do we get outside?”
Knightride looked over at Sari. “Does this look like home to you?”
She shook her head. “No, it doesn’t. I don’t know where we are.”
At that moment, the walls shifted open and the room was bathed in a soft crimson light. Gigawatt lifted up his head to see two figures standing in the newly opened doorway in front of them. One was a short white mech with small horns on his helm, while the other was a tall hulking violet mech with a single yellow optic glowing in the center of its face.
The small white one regarded Gigawatt and the others with a frown. “No, no, no. None of these are him. I’m telling you, his spark signature was right there—”
“Silence,” ordered the other one. “Regardless of the validity of your claims, this collection of… individuals is certainly… intriguing.” He raised a clawed arm towards Sari. “Especially that one.”
Knightride drew his gun. “I don’t know who you guys are or what you’re doing, but I’ve already had enough of this scrap. Take us home right now or—”
The purple one waved a hand and electricity surged through Knightride’s body, causing him to cry out in agony. Within seconds, his body was on the ground, still functioning but barely able to move.
“There is no home for any of you to go to,” their captor said. “Axiom Nexus is your home now… not that you will be able to enjoy it for long. Rest easy with the knowledge that your donations to science will be remembered for generations to come.” He raised an arm and his hand splayed out into a wide array of very sharp tools and instruments. “Now then… are you ready for your mandatory autopsies?”
Year: 1985
“Now then… time to finish the job I came here for, yes?”
Death’s Head turned from the spot where Sari and her gaggle of Autobot friends had just been… and he immediately froze. Expanse was nowhere to be seen.
“What the…? I only turned my back for….” Death’s Head heard the ping of his communicator and he held back a string of curses as he answered it. “Yes, yes, I already know, Paradox. I dealt with those interlopers, but now we’ve got another problem—”
“That is certainly an understatement.” Paradox’s voice was strained but he did not sound upset with Death’s Head specifically. Not that he cared, but his payment was at stake here. “We’re picking up a number of fluctuations, many of which are intersecting with the ones correlating to you. We’ve traced them back to what we think are their nexus and… well, I think we should just be glad that neither of us are Cybertronian.”
“I’m still getting paid for this, yes?”
Paradox sighed. “Just come back to headquarters so we can discuss this in person.”
“Fine. Never did like this dirtball of a planet….”
* * *
Expanse opened his optics and slowly pulled himself up from the ground. Death’s Head was nowhere to be seen. Neither was Sari, or any of the other Autobots that had been with her. But he knew he was in the right place, given the shocked expressions that were now staring in his direction.
“Expanse?” Optimus Prime exclaimed. “What happened? How did you get back—”
“There is… no time to explain,” Expanse grunted as he hobbled back onto his feet. “As much as it… pains me to say this… given the sacrifices we will have to make… but we have no other choice.” He stared the Autobot leader directly in the optics. “We have to destroy the Timemaze.”
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