This is supposed to be set three years after issue 43. I have no idea if the Shattered Glass arc is immediately before this or three years prior.
A NEW HOPE
(I am so creative at coming up with titles)
(We open on Cybertron, where Ironhide is training an Autobot who suspiciously resembles Optimus Prime)
Ironhide: So... names. What's your name?
Autobot: None, sir!
Ironhide: No name, huh? Show me what you got!
(The Autobot fires rapidly at nothing in particular. This apparently is all the training he gets, for Ironhide then calls it quits before heading over to see the High Council)
Ironhide: Omega Prime? I believe it's him.
Omega Prime: I see... Aurex, contact Optimus. But have him stay where he is. [We can't afford any celebrity cameos in this issue]
(Meanwhile, on the planet Thulsa Doom, two mysterious evil figures confer)
Evil #1: Is it time?
Evil #2: I believe so. Oh, Megatron... you were such a fool. The only way to win... is by losing. [...What? How does that work?]
(Back on Cybertron, the Autobot rookie is brought before Thunder Clash, Ironhide, and Perceptor)
Autobot: What is it, sir?
Thunder Clash: Bot, this is very important. You've heard of Optimus Prime?
Autobot: Yeah... why?
Thunder Clash: How do I say this...?
Perceptor: You are his son. [NO! THAT'S NOT TRUE!]
Autobot: Really?! AWESOME! AM I THE CHOSEN ONE? IS MY NAME OPTIMUS, JR? [I really really hope not]
Thunder Clash (aside, to Perceptor): Nice going.
Perceptor: Sorry.
Autobot: AWESOME, AWESOME! DO I GET MY OWN TEAM?!
Perceptor: Actually, as a matter of fact, yes. Here they are!
(A door opens out of nowhere and four Autobots appear)
Perceptor: May I introduce Fastfix, your medic; Turborun, your warrior; Heavypunch, your mentor; and Armorfist, your weapon's specialist. And your ship... the ARMADA!
("Optimus Jr." is amazed by the ship, only for a piece of it to fall off, much to his disappointment)
Thunder Clash: Anyway, you have a very important mission. You must find the four colony worlds and their Planet Keys. And bring justice to the universe!
"Optimus Jr.": Can we just go now?
(We then see the Armada taking off from Cybertron, jumping into hyperspace. On the bridge, our hero muses over his newfound origins)
"Optimus Jr.": Now only if I knew my name...
Turborun: How about Optimus Minor?
Optimus Minor: Yeah... that works. [It's not like anyone else has that name]
Fastfix: Uh oh.
Optimus Minor: What do you mean "uh oh"? (He then sees a giant ship floating in front of them) Oh. Uh oh.
(Back on Thulsa Doom, more evil conferring!)
???: What's the plan, Megastorm?
Megastorm: Quite simple, Gigatron. We wait... then strike.
Gigatron: That... is the most stupidest plan ever!
Megastorm: If you have a better idea, let me know.
Gigatron: Actually, I do! My idea is to attack the Autobots head on!
Megastorm: You are obviously not a strategist, brother-- huh? (Suddenly, Laserbeak flies in and perches on his arm) Laserbeak? How did you get here?
Laserbeak: Caw!
Gigatron: Speak non-caw.
Laserbeak: Soundwave let me free right before those Autobots sealed us in the Axiom Nexus prison. He let Buzzsaw and Ravage go too.
Gigatron: Hn. Waspinator, anything?
Waspinator: Yes, Master Gigatron. [Just pretend the 's's are replaced with elongated 'z's.] The Autobots are looking for Planet Keys.
Megastorm: Planet Keys? Does he mean...?
Gigatron: Yes. The four colonies. (Both he and his brother grin evilly) Excellent.
(Back with our heroes, the Armada is being dragged in by the giant ship via tractor beam)
Heavypunch: Slaggin' tractor beam....
Turborun: Isn't this a Cybertronian cruiser?
Heavypunch: I dunno.
(They end up in the hangar, where we find the ship is run by pirates. The Autobots are then taken prisoner)
Halfshell: Captain, we've got ye some Autobots!
Cannonball: Aye, good work, Halfshell. Take them to the bridge!
Armorfist: Boom, boom.
Pirate: Huh?
(Suddenly, another Autobot ship -- captained by Primal Major -- blasts Optimus Minor's team from the pirate ship, making this whole sequence utterly pointless. The Armada then sets off for Velocitron, the Speed Planet)
(Back on Thulsa Doom...)
Gigatron: Well, brother, I am off to Animatron to speak with Flame Convoy.
Megastorm: And I'm off to find the colony worlds. [Animatron is a colony world....]
(As Gigatron flies off, Megastorm clenches his fist angrily)
Megastorm: Soon, brother, you'll be kneeling before your new Lord of Destruction. This, Megastorm swears....
To be continued
FEATURED CHARACTERS
Autobots: Armorfist, Aurex, Fastfix, Heavypunch, Ironhide, Omega Prime, Optimus Minor, Perceptor, Primal Major, Thunder Clash, Turborun
Decepticons: Gigatron, Laserbeak, Megastorm, Waspinator
Star Seekers: Cannonball, Halfshell
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