Transformers Regenerated: Tales --The Way of Flame

THE WAY OF FLAME

--Caminus, Cycle 8514 (1,300 years ago)--

    Balance was harder than it looked.

    Windblade struggled to keep herself focused as she stood atop the meter wide platform with one foot. Below her burned a chasm of fire, the bright flames nearly brushing against her leg, trying to goad her into falling.

    Focus. Balance. That had been her mantra to herself for the past hour or so, and so far it had worked -- barely. Each minuted that passed, her instructors tried to use a distraction against her: a scream hear, an explosion there. But against all odds, she maintained her position, surprising even herself.

    Of course, that was merely a sign that things were about to get harder.

    Before she knew it, things were flying at her. Darts, then pieces of metal, then iron blocks, then remote drones. None of them struck her, but they were startling her enough to make her lose her balance. Arms flailing, a small yell escaped her vocal processor as she plummeted from her perch and into the fiery chasm below.

*  *  *

    "End simulation."

    The virtual worlds faded away -- the flames, the perch, everything -- and Windblade laid alone in the darkened room. In the observatory station above, looking through a one-way window, the Camien general Afterburner stood with his arms crossed, disappointed with the results.

    "She isn't qualified enough," he muttered to the tall, gold femme standing next to him, decked out in regal scarlet armor. "We've put her through five different courses, all of them on the standard basic level, and she's failed each and every one of them. The Fallen has a better chance of returning than she does making it into our ranks."

    The Mistress of Flame appeared solemn as she looked down upon Windblade, who was taking out her frustration on the ground. "She has potential," the ruler of Caminus said softly.

    "My optics must be faulty, because I am not seeing it," Afterburner said.

    "How does she rank among the other students?"

    Afterburner sighed. "With all due respect, Mistress, I don't think that's a question that needs answering. But since you asked...." Producing a datapad, he brought up the results on the screen and scrolled through them. "Currently, she ranks the lowest of the five trainees. Above her is Hot Shot, who completed all but two of the tests. Then Chromia and Lightbright, both who failed only one. And at the top, Swift, who completed all five."

    "And all four of them -- whom would you recommend for service?"

    "Swift and Chromia, definitely. Lightbright, while naive at times, would make an excellent scout. And while he's a bit on the reckless side, I'm sure Hot Shot would make a formidable asset."

    "And Windblade?"

    Afterburner shook his head. "I'm sorry, Mistress, but I simply don't see her making it to the trials."

    The Mistress of Flame said nothing for a moment. Down below, Windblade had used up all of her anger and was now sitting dejectedly on the floor, resting her chin on her knees.

    "I trust your judgment, general," the Mistress finally said. "Thank you for your time."

*  *  *

    "All five of them?"

    Windblade sighed as she sat next to Chromia on the bench. The Garden of Beta was a peaceful place, filled with fresh, florescent plants that sprouted from the cerulean soil of Caminus. It was perhaps the only place where she could find peace, away from the bright lights and blaring music everywhere else.

    "Yes, Chromia," she said. "All five of them."

    Her blue-plated friend had a skeptical look on her face. "Even the one with...?"

    Windblade sighed again. "Yes, Chromia. Even the one with the petro-rabbits."

    Chromia made a whistling sound. "Wow. That's gotta hurt."

    "You think?" Windblade retorted, a bit harsher than she had intended. "I have never felt so humiliated in my life."

    "Hey, no need to feel down," Chromia said, resting a hand on Windblade's shoulder. "Maybe the warrior life just isn't for you. There's always the theater or--"

    "That's not the kind of life I want to live either. My spark isn't into recreational activity; it burns like a warrior's."

    Chromia frowned. "Do you know why you failed the tests?"

    "Lack of balance and patience," Windblade muttered. "Hot Shot told me he was told the same, but he still got a passing grade."

    "Well... petro-rabbits shouldn't be that--"

    "Okay, I get it," Windblade snapped, getting up from the bench. "Maybe I'm not cut out to be a warrior. But I'm sure as heck not made to be a dancer or a singer or... or whatever. What else is there that I can be without becoming an outcast?"

    Chromia said nothing, for she had no answer for her. Windblade stood in silence for a long time, listening to the peaceful quietness of the garden. Finally, she let out a sigh and looked at Chromia sadly.

    "If it's all the same to you, Mia, I need some time to myself. Some time to think."

    "Okay," Chromia replied. "Whatever you need. Just know that I'm here if you need someone to turn to."

    Windblade smiled. "Thanks, Chromia. I can always count on you."

    Chromia returned the smile. "What else are sisters for?"

--One month later--

    "Windblade! Windblade!"

    Windblade let out a yell as she fell from the steel beam she had been trying to balance on. As she fell onto the azure grass, a pair of violet legs came into view and she looked up to see her friend Nautica.

    "Nautica, can't you see I'm trying to practice?" Windblade said, scowling.

    "But Windy, I've got terrific news!" Nautica said, bouncing excitedly. "A ship's just landed at the spaceport and--"

    "Don't." Windblade was suddenly on her feet again, glowering at Nautica. "You ever. Call me. Windy."

    The shorter femme shrunk away, cowering slightly. "S-sorry, Windblade. I didn't mean to...."

    Windblade groaned to herself, instantly regretting her unwarranted outburst. "No, no, it's... it's okay, Nautica. I shouldn't have yelled at you. It's just... I've been practicing my balance nonstop for almost a week now, but I just can't...."

    "You can't balance?" Nautica asked. "But... but you have one of the most aerodynamic builds on Caminus. Even Swift wishes she had wings like--"

    "Nautica." Windblade held up a hand to silence her friend. "Just... don't. The last thing I need right now is excessive praise. No offense, but it really doesn't help. Now, what were you going to tell me?"

    Nautica beamed. "Thunderclash is here! He just arrived! He's speaking with the Mistress of Flame right now!"

    Windblade looked at him bemusedly. "Thunder-who?"

    "Thunderclash! The greatest Autobot of all!"

    This only increased Windblade's bewilderment. "What in Solus' name is an Autobot?"

    Nautica sighed, her shoulders drooping. "Chromia's right, you never pay attention to history." She then grabbed Windblade's arm. "Come on, Afterburner and the Mistress want to see you."

    "Me? Why would they want to see me?"

    "Primus knows. Now come on."

*  *  *

    "No." Afterburner planted his hand on the table to emphasize his words. "I won't allow this."

    Standing around the table with him were the Mistress of Flame, her legislative advisors, and the Autobot arrival Thunderclash. The Mistress affixed Afterburner with a stern glare.

    "Are you questioning my authority, general?"

    "Forgive me, Mistress, but you can't be serious in letting Windblade join Thunderclash's crew. Even Skystriker would be a better choice."

    Thunderclash raised an optic at Afterburner. "May I ask why this Windblade is not an ideal candidate for a crew member?"

    "She has no balance. She's clumsy and absent minded; always daydreaming. She's not aced a single test -- not even the petro-rabbits one! Why would anyone want her on board their ship?"

    "Surely she has some redeeming qualities?" Thunderclash said. "I would like to meet this Windblade myself before passing judgment."

    "You're simply setting yourself up for disappointment," Afterburner muttered. 

    As soon as he had said that, they all heard a wail and turned to see Windblade stumbling into the room, hopping on one foot. Upon seeing the gathered bots, her optics widened in embarrassment.

    "Sorry," she said sheepishly. "I... tripped on something. Think it was a box."

    "There wasn't anything there, Windy," Nautica murmured, appearing behind Windblade with a hand over her face. "You tripped over nothing."

    Afterburner turned back to the other leaders, folding his arms over his chest. "I do believe my point has been made."

    "Indeed," Thunderclash said, raising a hand to his chin. He then glanced at the Mistress of Flame and smiled. "And so has yours, Mistress. She will make a fine Autobot."

    Afterburner sputtered loudly. "What?! You can't be serious!"

    Thunderclash ignored him, stepping up to Windblade and offering her his hand. "A pleasure to meet you, Windblade. I've heard much about you."

    "Y-you have?" Windblade looked to the Mistress of Flame, confused. "My lady, what's going on?"

    "Thunderclash has come to us seeking aid," the Mistress explained. "He is in search of the Magnificence and is in need of an expanded crew. You, along with Chromia, Nautica, and others, have been chosen to join him in his quest."

    "But... but why me? Why not someone like Swift or Hot Shot or... or even Maxima? I'm... I'm not ready for any sort of mission."

    "Precisely my point," Afterburner snapped. "She will only prove to be a hindrance--"

    "That will be enough, general," the Mistress of Flame said sternly. "You have made your stance clear, but my word is final -- and I'm sure Thunderclash has already made his choice."

    "That I have." Thunderclash smiled warmly at Windblade. "Worry not, young one. With my help, you will find your way and achieve the balance you see. What do you say?"

    Windblade stared at the Autobot's proffered hand before looking up at him. Then, she took the hand and shook it firmly.

    "I say yes."

Transformers Regenerated: Tales --Brothers at Arms

BROTHERS AT ARMS

--Dormanus V, Cycle 9164--

    "One. Two. Three."

    Needlenose felt his optic twitch, a gear grinding somewhere in his head. Squaring his shoulders, he struggled to maintain his resolve, doing his best to simply stare straight ahead and not so much as glance at the Decepticon sitting on the rock next to him.

    "Four. Five. Six."

    It felt like his insides were burning. Maybe it was the heat, overheating his systems. Maybe it was the anxiety, the anticipation for the next strike. Or maybe....

    "Seven. Eight. Ni--"

    "For spark's sake!" Needlenose exclaimed, whirling on the purple and teal mech that was his woe. "What in Primus' name are you counting?"

    Spinister glared at him, completely unfazed by his comrade's outburst. "The clouds," he said simply. 

    Needlenose flailed his arms, trying to form a response that did not involve shooting Spinister in the head. "Why?" he finally managed to get out.

    "Nothing else to do. No Autobots to shoot. Might as well pass the time."

    "Well, the least you could do is do it silently."

    Spinister raised an optic, visibly confused. "How?"

    Needlenose let out an exasperated sigh. "Just count in your head."

    "In... my head?" Spinister adjusted his helmet crest, clearly in a struggle to solve this newfound conundrum he had been presented with. "How do you do that?"

    Needlenose was about to answer him -- with his fist rather than his mouth -- when a brutish Decepticon came towards them from the rest of the camp.

    "On your feet," Quake grunted. "We're on the move again."

    "Thank the Allspark," Needlenose muttered. "I was just about to die of boredom -- and I would've taken Spinister with me. Have we found an Autobot outpost?"

    "Yeah, Squawktalk's found one a few megamiles from here," Quake said. "It's the smallest and most vulnerable one of them all, so Roadblock's leading us in a full-blown assault."

    "Now we're talking!" Spinister exclaimed, jumping to his feet. "Whoever gets the lowest killcount has to polish Roadblock's feet."

   With that statement, he converted into his helicopter form and took off. The other two Decepticons were left standing in silence for a moment before transforming as well.

    "I gotta give you credit," Quake rumbled. "If it were me stuck with him, I'd have blown him to scrap by now."

    "Chalk it up to experience," Needlenose said. "It's one thing to be stuck on duty with someone who gets on your nerve circuits... but try living with them your whole life...."

--Cybertron, before the war--

    "Veritas, Mirage! See you in another life."

    Tracks was still grinning to himself as he closed the door behind him, stepping into the living quarters he shared with his brother. However, his smile quickly vanished upon noticing its mundane state. It was nothing like the rich and fanciful estate that Mirage owned in Translucentica Heights. If he and his colleagues were to see the poor, third-class lifestyle Tracks lived....

    Something had to change, he realized. Or, rather, someone.

    At that moment, a white and violet mech emerged from an adjacent room, having a box full of micro-chips. He paused only to spare Tracks a glance before moving over to a monitor station, setting the box down next to it.

    "Ahoy, brother!" Tracks said cheerily. "I have returned!"

    "So I've noticed," Needlenose said wryly, still not looking at Tracks as he sat down at the monitor. 

    An awkward silence rolled across the room. Tracks revved softly to break it. "So, did you miss me?"

    "Like a monoformer misses his transformation cog."

    "Ha ha! Always with the jokes! You know, I met a monoformer at Mirage's party--"

    "Oh, do go on."

    Tracks raised an eyebrow at the venom Needlenose was barely hiding in his voice. "My, do I detect a hint of jealousy?"

    Needlenose curled his hands into fists before slowly turning in his seat to face his brother. "Two months."

    "Two months what?"

    "Two months of you being gone. No transmissions, no messages, nothing. Complete radio silence. I almost started thinking you were dead."

    "I was studying," Tracks said defensively. "I told you I was going to Praxus, didn't I?"

    "For three weeks," Needlenose snapped. "You were gone for a lot more than three weeks. What was it? Extra curricular? Something you just didn't want to tell me?"

    Tracks scowled. "What's got you so worked up about it? It was only two months--"

    "Only two months?!" Irate, Needlenose got to his feet and stormed towards his brother. "All this time I've relied on you for money. With you gone, I had to find someway to keep this place. I tried enlisting into the Aerial Corps, but they said I wasn't fit. I tried doing volunteer work for the Elite Guard, but they turned me down. I even got an alt mode exempt pass from the local Functionist office, but all it's gotten for me is get my Chic-Chips on the market, which was barely enough to keep me off the streets."

    "At least now you know how hard it is to make a living," Tracks retorted. "You should be grateful, little brother; if it weren't for me, you'd be an empty out in the Dead End."

    Needlenose glared daggers at him. "You think the whole world revolves around you."

    "Of course it doesn't. But it sure as smelt doesn't revolve around you."

    Tracks wasn't quite sure what happened next, but it definitely involved his face and Needlenose's fist. As he laid sprawled on the floor, the last thing he saw were his brother's feet stepping past him and towards the door.

    "If you close that door, don't expect it to ever open for you again!" Tracks called after him.

    The door hissing shut was his last and only response.

--Now--

    The gold-armored mech stepped over the Autobot bodies which littered the corridor. Trails of smoke were still emitting from the heated barrel of his gun. The enemy had hardly put up much of a fight, but given that they had been outnumbered and outgunned, that was hardly a surprise.

    "This was almost too easy, Darkwing," Roadblock said as he stood over the freshly-made corpses, looking all too proud of his work.

    "I wouldn't celebrate just yet," Darkwing said, standing behind him with the rest of the squad. "We still haven't found their database yet. Megatron didn't send us here just to shoot Autobots."

    "Do you take me for an idiot?" Roadblock snarled back at his lieutenant. "How about instead of standing there reprimanding me, you get your lazy aft searching for it -- and that goes for all of you!"

    As one, the Decepticons split up to search for their quarry. Heading down an adjacent hallway, Needlenose went all the way down before reaching a solitary door. Without warning, it slid open by itself and two Autobots jumped out, firing their guns at him. One scored a hit on his shoulder, but he was quickly able to return the favor, blasting the mech in the chest. He then redirected his gun to the other one....

    And everything seemed to screech to a halt.

    Red optics met blue for the first time in nearly five hundred years. Between them, words were silently passed; words that both wanted to say -- needed to say -- but could not bring themselves to speak them.

    Seconds passed like eons. Eventually, shots were fired from both guns, but who pulled the trigger first, he would never know. And perhaps he would never want to.

    As Needlenose stepped away from the offline -- but not dead -- body of Tracks, he wondered how different things would have played out had he not stepped out the door; if he had simply taken a moment to calm down. Would they have still been wearing different badges? Would they have still been standing on opposite ends of the battlefield? Or would he be the one laying on the ground now?

    Before he could ruminate any more, he heard Quake calling out his name. As he moved to rejoin his brethren, Needlenose stopped to give the bot he had once called his brother one last look before turning his back forever.

Transformers Regenerated: Tales - Lesson Learned

Another "series" of short stories, a la War Stories and Origins. There won't be nearly as many, due to lacking that many good ideas. And yes, my comic scripts are being put on hiatus again. They're really painful to go through....

TRANSFORMERS REGENERATED
Interlude III: Tales

LESSON LEARNED
--Tsiehshi, 425 years ago (Cycle 9389)--

    Hold still, beauty....

    The brown-plated Autobot kept his gaze trained on the wiry creature that was his target. The long-limbed animal was presently enjoying itself by leaping from one tree to the next. Its eye seemed to be moving to the slab of metal he had placed there for it, but it had yet to make a move.

    Outback gritted his dental plates. As a tracker and hunter, patience was one of his strongest and most important suits, but that didn't mean he couldn't feel a little anxiety. All that blasted wire-monkey had to do was jump down from the trees and get the metal.

    After what felt like megacycles, the wire-monkey finally jumped down to inspect the metal. Aiming his rifle, Outback pulled the trigger and the gunshot went straight through its head. The noise was loud enough to startle some nearby razor-birds, which flew off without hesitation, but Outback hoped it didn't reach the ears of certain predators that dwelt on the planet. Saber-lions especially were rather vicious to unwanted visitors.

    Moving over to the dead creature, Outback knelt down and started stripping it of organic matter, leaving behind nothing but its wired frame. Once he was done, he got back to his feet and morphed into his land cruiser form. The sun was already starting to set and he did not want to be here when the nocturnal blade-bats awoke from their slumber.

    It wouldn't be nice for the rescue team to find only one Autobot.

*  *  *

    The resting old mech turned his optical sensors back on at the sound of a roaring engine. Lifting himself up, the veteran Autobot saw a brown land cruiser tearing through the tendril-covered jungle, before braking to a halt near their camp. Transforming to robot mode, Outback produced the carcass of a wire-monkey, which still had some organic residue on its metal skeleton.

    "Couldn't find any fuel," Outback said. "You can munch on this to converse energy."

    Kup made a face. "I'd sooner go offline than eat something like that. You can have it."

    Outback frowned. "You lost a lot of energon in the crash -- not to mention your left leg. If you don't consume something, then--"

    "Lad, stop worryin' about me. I've taken worse than this. 'Sides, you're young and I'm old. Better you stay alive than me."

    "Always so stubborn," Outback muttered, dropping the carcass at Kup's foot before setting himself on the ground. "I'm not going to let you die. I swear my spark on it."

    "Who's the stubborn one now?" Kup said wryly. He tilted his head back and rested it against the hull of their downed ship, repurposed to serve as shelter. "You know, kid, you remind me of someone. Someone I knew back in the day."

    "Here we go again," Outback grumbled. "Now you're just trying to change the subject."

    "Pipe down, will ya'? If you hear me out, then I'll eat the wretched scrap. Deal?"

    "Fine. Continue."

    Kup rubbed his chin as he searched his memory. "Let's see... it was about... five thousand years ago? No, six? Yeah, six. During the age of Nova Prime."

    "How can your memory bank go back that far?" Outback asked. "I can barely remember the past few decades, let alone a millennia."

    "That's cos your young, impressionable mind has been corrupted by war. Everything starts to blur for you. Me, I'm already used to it all." Kup shifted slightly as he prepared to continue his tale. "Now, where was I? Six thousand years ago, right. Back when the Primal Vanguard was in its prime.

    "This bot -- we called him the Rookie back then -- he was your typical young mech. He meant well, but was impulsive and reckless as Pit. Acted without thinking, know what I mean? But that didn't mean he wasn't brave; he'd willingly rush into danger to save a fellow bot, even if it was his own worst enemy. Brave and stupid, that's what he was.

    "Anyway, it's the middle of the Destron Wars -- you've heard of the Destrons, right?"

    "Heard of, yes, but don't expect me to ace a quiz on them," Outback said. "They were one of the Thirteen Tribes, weren't they?"

    "They were, but while all the other tribes joined to form the Autobots, the Destrons had a piston to pick with Nova Prime. They didn't want to lose their identity, y'see."

    "I see. Go on."

    "It's the middle of the Destron Wars, and Delta Magnus is leading us to bring down the defense grid of a Destron outpost in Stanix. The Rookie's there, along with myself, Breakthrough, Tailpipe, Checkup, and... Crosswise? Was that his name? No, Crosscut, that was it."

    "The liberator of Petrex?"

    "No, this was a different Crosscut. More of a green-ish color. He was easily spooked, which was why Magnus had him wait outside with Tailpipe while the rest of us sneaked in through the back door. The guards the Destrons had placed there were a bit on the sleepy side.

    "The plan was, once we were inside, to move through the base undetected wearing stealth paint Breakthrough had created for us. But when we stumbled across this room full of Destrons, plottin' and schemin' and scrap, the Rookie... well, let's just say his instinct told him somethin' opposite of what Magnus did."

    "Don't tell me. He ran in."

    Kup grunted. "Are you even surprised? Of course he ran in. He ran in, shootin' up the place, screamin' one of their names in anger. The 'trons were startled and caught unawares, givin' Delta enough time to improvise.

    "He sent in Breakthrough first to provide the Rookie some cover fire and throw the Destrons off some more. Then, he had Checkup sneak through the crossfire and nab the security codes for the defense grid. While Delta helped the other two hold the 'trons off, Checkup and I went off and brought down the grid, after which we signaled our backup unit -- led by the one and only Thunderclash -- to move in."

    "So far, it sounds like everything had gone to plan," Outback said.

    "Ah, but I ain't finished, lad. When we got back, things had gotten from bad to worse. Delta and Breakthrough had been knocked out... and the Destrons had the Rookie at their mercy, his chestplate torn open and his t-cog in their hands."

    "What did you do?" 

    "Nothin'. The 'trons spotted us and held us both at gunpoint. I thought for sure we were goners, that Thunderclash wasn't gonna make it in time."

    "But he did, didn't he?" Outback said. "Because you're here right now."

    Kup smirked. "Yer a sharp one. Yup, right when everything seemed lost, Thunderclash and his unit stormed in, along with Tailpipe and Crosscut, the 'trons got their exhaust pipes handed to 'em and we got the Rookie out alive. Unfortunately, Checkup was unable to properly reinstall his t-cog, leaving him as a monoformer."

    "So what's the moral here?" Outback asked. "What has it got to do with you not eating the blasted wire-monkey?"

    "The lesson here, lad, is to always trust your elders' word. You might think you know what's best for you or them, but more often than not, you're wrong. By disobeying Delta's orders and doing things his own way, the Rookie got his aft handed to him. After he got repaired, though, he decided the Primal Vanguard wasn't the ideal career for him and got involved in politics instead."

    "So where is he now? Is he still alive?"

    "Oh, very much so. By the time Guardian Prime was in charge, he had earned himself the title of Emirate and became head of the Science Division."

    Outback's mouth fell agape. "Wait... you're telling me the Rookie was Emirate Xaaron? The Emirate Xaaron? And he was in the Primal Vanguard?"

    Kup smirked. "And there's your second lesson: never assume you know everything about a 'bot just by lookin' at them." 

    He then bent forward and picked up the carcass, grinding it to pieces with his internal razors. Outback watched for a moment, noticing that the old mech was chuckling.

    "What? What's so funny?"

    Kup snickered as he put the metal back down. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to tell that tale."

    "What do you mean?"

    "I promised Xaaron I would never tell that story to anyone. I went ahead and told you it now just in case anything happened to us." Kup made another chortle as he resumed eating. "Even if we both make it out of this alive, I'm a dead bot."

    For the first time today, Outback allowed himself a smile of his own. "Not on my watch, you're not."

The Transformers, Issue 53: Velocitron, Chapter Four

THE FAST AND FURIOUS, PART 2

    (At a Velocitron inn, Team Orion is sitting around after the race from last issue)

    Heavypunch: You had a tough day, kid.

    Turborun: Yeah....

    Heavypunch: Anythin' botherin' ya? You seem upset.

    Turborun: I'm fine.

    Heavypunch: No you're not! There's somethin' wrong with ya. Do ya wanna talk about it?

    Turborun: ...No.

    Optimus Minor: Better get warmed up for tomorrow, Turborun.

    Turborun: Yeah, sure.

    Armorfist: Yo? [Just to let you know, in the actual comic I made, Armorfist continiously says "yo" throughout every issue he's been in. I've excluded them all up until this point because I found it stupid and pointless]

    Optimus Minor: Er, you're out of the game, Armorfist.

    Armorfist: Oh.

    Turborun: I'll go get ready. (He walks away sulking) I failed them... it should've been me.

    (Time for a FLASHBACK! We cut back to where we left off last flashback, with Turborun and his siblings facing off against Bruticus)

    Hardrun: Commander, we need assistance now!

    Squad Leader: I'll contact Metalhawk's team and see if-- (He cuts himself off, seeing something off-panel as he puts his battle mask up) Hang on. I'll catch you la-- (Whatever it is he saw then blows him to pieces)

    (Back in the present, we see a news report from the Velocitron News Network)

    Online: Good morning, everyone! I am your host, Online, giving you things you need to know! Recently, security officers in spaceport Delta-1237 were found dead. Autobot officer Spiral has reported that a team of six Decepticons are responsible. Does this mean, despite Megatron's death, the Decepticons are still at large? We'll have the latest, next.

    (Watching the broadcast are Master Disaster's crew, hanging out in a warehouse with a mysterious sixth figure)

    Speed Demon (just walking in): Man, I can't believe we lost that race! 

    Inch-Up: They're saying the 'Cons are back.

    Speed Demon: How's that possible? They've been hidin' for three years! Why'd they come back now?

    ???: I wouldn't put it past them.

    Speed Demon: Yeah?

    ???: Decepticons always plot even without their "glorious" leader. 

    Speed Demon: And how would you know?

    ???: Remember... I was once one of them.

    Speed Demon: Oh yeah. Than you randomly popped up and hired us. [Thank you for that little dose of exposition] Well, you hired us... for what? Just to lose a buncha lame races?

    ???: No... (He shows them a hologram)

    Master Disaster: What is that?

    ???: It is the Planet Key of Velocitron and it is hidden here on this world.

    Master Disaster: And how do you suppose we can find it?

    ???: You'll find a way. Now go. [Yeah, I'm sure they'll get a lot accomplished]

    (Meanwhile, Gasket and Crumplezone are speeding through town blowing stuff up with their new weapons. They use them to break into Velocitron Security Central, blasting away all (okay, just one) of the guards)

    Crumplezone: 'Kay, boss, we're here. What do we do now?

    Megastorm: Find anything related to Velocitronian culture, such as your races. [Wouldn't they already know that kind of stuff, seeing as they are native to Velocitron?]

    Crumplezone (while Gasket hacks a console): Isn't this cheating?

    Gasket: Yes... and fun!

    (Later, at the race track...)

    Online: Everyone, we bring you race two of the World Cup! Since Armorfist and Vroom got beaten in race one [Through illegal methods, need I remind you!], they won't be competing. So here are their two replacements: Fastfix of Team Orion and Windbreaker of Cybertron! [I don't watch racing, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way]

    Online (cont.): On your mark. Get set. GO!

    (And since racing is boring, we have ANOTHER FLASHBACK! In the past, Turborun and his siblings are driving away from Bruticus)

    Bruticus: You can not escape Bruticus! BRUTICUS SHALL DESTROY AUTOBOTS!

    Turborun: We can't outrun him! It's impossible!

    (We then get interrupted in the present by Master Disaster talking to a shell-shocked Turborun)

    Master Disaster: You can't outrun me this time, twerp! Because I've got something up my sleeve... [Robots don't have sleeves]

    (Back in the past, Hardrun gets killed by Bruticus, which as it turns out is what's made Turborun so emo. Anyways, back to the race...)

    Excellion: I'm going to win this race! Excellion, leader of Velocitron... I can just see it now.

    (Then, all of a sudden, Master Disaster and his gang... COMBINE! They merge to form DISASTERON! Of course, being a gestalt, this brings Turborun bad memories, but not time for that! The rest of the Autobots come in to fight Disasteron... only for Turborun to have A THIRD FLASHBACK! Come on, we get it already! His brother died and he blames himself for that! What more can you show us?)

    Sentinel Zeta Prime (to Turborun and Quickrun): I sympathize for your brother's death. But in war, there can be few survivors. Just live with the fact your brother's sacrifice shall not be in vain. [Yeah, that's sure to get his spirits up]

    (Finally back in the present, Turborun joins in the fight! Gasket and Crumplezone witness the battle from afar just as they get back to Megastorm)

    Megastorm: Well?!

    Gasket: There's a battle goin' on over there!

    Megastorm: It's none of our--

    Gasket: They look like Autobots.

    Megastorm: Autobots...? Decepticons, ATTACK!

    (So yeah, the Decepticons join in the fight and face off against Team Orion as well as Disasteron. When Gasket and Crumplezone inadvertently distract him, the other racers are able to bring the gestalt down. The Decepticons then retreat for no reason whatsoever -- they didn't even have a reason to fight in the first place -- and the Autobots rejoin at the inn)

    Heavypunch: So, kid... you wanna talk now?

    Turborun: Sure. [Why now?] Long ago, during Sentinel Zeta Prime's reign, my siblings and I came face to face with the Combaticons, and... Bruticus killed my brother. I won't let his sacrifice be in vain.

    [Okay, for real tho, this was in no way shape or form character development. It's not like he was facing Bruticus again in the present, or like Disasteron killed one of his friends like Bruticus had his brother... so what was the point of all of this?]

    (Anyway, we cut to some unspecified location, where Nova Prime and Necros Prime are walking around, the latter using his powers to create zombies or something)

    Nova Prime: What's the point of bringing back dead people? I mean, it's really freaky.

    Necros: Nova, Nova, don't you see? It's all part of the plan. [What plan?] Rise... my children! (Said children are a bunch of Halloween-themed bots. Oh boy...)

    [No, but seriously, what plan?]

    To be continued...

FEATURED CHARACTERS

    Autobots: Armorfist, Fastfix, Hardrun, Heavypunch, Optimus Minor, Quickrun, Sentinel Zeta Prime, Spiral, Turborun, Windbreaker

    Decepticons: Bladespin, Bruticus, Crumplezone, Firestorm, Gasket, Icestorm, Irontread, Megastorm, Skywatch

    Velocitronians: Disasteron, Excellon, Inch-Up, Long Nose, Master Disaster, Online, Razorblade, Speed Demon
    Others: Necros Prime, Nova Prime

The Transformers, Issue 52: Velocitron, Chapter Three

THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS, PART 1

   (No, Vin Diesel is not in this)

    (We open up on Velocitron at night, where a gang of thugs are hanging around)

    Master Disaster: Hrn. Motormaster had to get himself and his group locked in the stockade.

    Long Nose: At least he gave us these tailpipe kickin' alt modes! [What, were you not race cars like every other Velocitronian?]

    Street Demon: Yeah, and the gestalt technology!

    Master Disaster: Hmph. Let's go find that murderer. [Yes, we must avenge the redshirts!]

    (Meanwhile, Megastorm and co beat up Wing Dagger and Spiral's team before retreating. At that point, High Beam and his team arrive)

    High Beam: Great spark, what happened here?!

    Spiral: A group of Decepticons beat us up and that Autobot over there.

    High Beam: Decepticons? But they've all been imprisoned.

    Spiral: Apparently we've missed a few.

    (Meanwhile, Gasket and Crumplezone run into Megastorm and the Decepticons and almost get killed by Irontread)

    Gasket: Who the heck are you guys?!

    Megastorm: I am Megastorm, Decepticon commander, leader of Team Armada.

    Gasket: Right... well, this is our road!

    Megastorm: I believe it is not. Unless... you join us.

    Gasket: Why should we?

    Megastorm: You can have all of the roads to yourself... and become ruler of Velocitron.

    (Gasket exchanges a look and a grin with Crumplezone before shaking on it with Megastorm. We then cut to where the Autobots are)

    Swerve: Hey, guys, the Velocitron World Cup is about to start. Five races, five solar cycles... and the winner gets to participate in the Speedia 500 and become leader of Velocitron.

    Optimus Minor: Thanks, but we'll pa--

    Turborun: I am SO there! (He and Armorfist transform and drive off)

    Optimus Minor: ...Accept.

    (Later, at the first race....)

    Announcer: We'd like to present the World Cup! Today, we have ten racers, and only one will go down in history as leader of Velocitron! We have Turborun and Armorfist of Team Orion! Vroom and Joyride of Cybertron! Excellion of Velocitron! And the menacing gang of Master Disaster: Street Demon, Long Nose, Inch-Up, and Razorblade! 

    Announcer (cont.): Racers, start your engines! Get ready. Get set. GO!

    (So the race begins. Right away, Disaster's gang start cheating to get ahead, starting with Razorblade slicing Vroom's tires...)

    (Meanwhile, on Animatron, Gigatron and his team reach a temple. Telling the others to stay put, Gigatron approaches the front gate)

    Brimstone: Halt! You are not permitted here!

    Gigatron: Try me. (He bashes the guards heads together, before getting attacked by another Animatronian, whom he blasts away. At that point, the leader of Animatron steps in....)

    (...but enough of that! More racing! Master Disaster's team take out Armorfist! Turborun is lagging behind! Why? Because he is experiencing A FLASHBACK!)

    (YEARS BEFORE THE WAR!)

    Turborun: Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, jet judo time!

    Sunstreaker: All right!

    (The three of them all lunge at Decepticon Seekers, but Turborun gets shot down. He almost gets run over by Motormaster, only to be saved by his brother Hardrun! They then regroup with the rest of their team, where their leader briefs them)

    Squad Leader: All right, we've got 'Cons in Tyrest and Altihex that need a lesson. Twins, you've got jet judo duties. Hardrun, Flattop, you go rush head on into enemy lines. Turborun, Quickrun, you've got sniper duties. Autobots, roll out!

    (Back in the present day, Turborun somehow gets ahead of the other racers. I guess flashbacks give you a boost or something? Anyway, he manages to make it to the finish line, but at the cost of blowing out a couple of tires. We then get ANOTHER FLASHBACK!)

    Turborun: Sis, above you!

    (Brawl drops down from who-knows-where, nearly crushing Quickrun. He then transforms to tank mode and shoots at them, only to then be pounced on by Hardrun. More Decepticons then come in to deal with the three siblings)

    Hardrun (to Flattop via comm): Flattop, I'm gonna be busy.

    Flattop: Got it! (He then gets killed by Decepticons. Nice knowing you, pal)

    (Suddenly, the rest of the Combaticons arrive and they merge with Brawl to form... BRUTICUS! But before we can get an awesome combiner fight, Turborun wakes up in the present!)

    Turborun: Ah! What--? Where--?

    Optimus Minor: The race is over.

    Joyride: You did good there, kid!

    Excellion: Lucky!

    (Turborun ignores them, suddenly collapsing into a heap....)

    (Meanwhile, Gasket and Crumplezone are following Megastorm and the Decepticons)

    Gasket: What do we do now, boss?

    Megastorm: You and Crumplezone are to infiltrate Velocitron security.

    Gasket: And how do we do that?

    Megastorm: Would these interest you? (He then presents them a hologram of weapon mods...)

    To be continued

FEATURED CHARACTERS

    Autobots: Armorfist, Fastfix, Flattop, Hardrun, Heavypunch, High Beam, Joyride, Optimus Minor, Oval, Quickrun, Sideswipe, Spiral, Sunstreaker, Swerve, Turborun, Vroom, Wing Dagger

    Decepticons: Bladespin, Brawl, Bruticus, Crumplezone, Double Punch, Firestorm, Gasket, Gigatron, Icestorm, Irontread, Megastorm, Motormaster, Onslaught, Sky-Byte?, Skywatch, Tarantulas, Terrorsaur, Waspinator, Wipe-Out

    Velocitronians: Excellion, Inch-Up, Long Nose, Master Disaster, Razorblade, Street Demon

    Animatronians: Brimstone, Direwolf, Undermine

The Transformers, Issue 51: Velocitron, Chapter Two

THIRST FOR SPEED

   (We open up on the Armada arriving at Velocitron)

    Optimus Minor: Welcome to Velocitron, team. Planet of Speed and our first stop for a Planet Key. [Twenty minutes ago you didn't have a name and yet you know all of this? How old is this punk?]

    Turborun: Speed?! This is what I'm made for!

    Velocitron Control (on screen): This is Velocitron Control. Who is this?

    Optimus Minor: This is Autobot ship Armada.

    Velocitron Control: Hmm... all right, you're clear to go.

    (The Autobots dock at Spaceport 658, where they are greeted by a familiar face (ha ha, not really))

    Swerve: Hello, I am Autobot Swerve. [Hi, Swerve. I'm Batman]

    Optimus Minor: Swerve? I've heard about you. What are you doing here? 

    Swerve: Omega Prime had me stationed here. Who are you?

    Optimus Minor: Name's Optimus Minor, leader of Team Orion.

    Swerve: Optimus Minor? Any relation to...?

    Optimus Minor: Yup.

    Swerve: Wow. (He then transforms) C'mon. I'll show you around.

    (The other Autobots transform and follow him through the race track-covered planet)

    Turborun: Wow, this place is....

    Fastfix: Roady.

    Optimus Minor: That's not a word.

    Fastfix: Whatever. It's still roady.

    Optimus Minor: It still sounds stupid.

    Fastfix: Whatever.

    (While our heroes trade banter, two mean-looking bots watch them from above)

    Gasket: Hey, Crumplezone! Look at this! It's a buncha new guys! [What, do you never get visitors?]

    Crumplezone: Hn. Can I run them over?

    Gasket: Heh. Not yet. They, eh, might be useful. 

    (Meanwhile, on the Decepticon ship of Megastorm.)

    [Note: Megastorm's crew consists of Bladespin, Irontread (not the Destron from Mask of Vengeance), Firestorm, Icestorm, and Skywatch]

    Megastorm: Irontread, report.

    Irontread: An Autobot ship has been detected.

    Bladespin: Apparently, they got here before us.

    Megastorm: I don't care. Get us down there immediately.

    Velocitron Control: Excuse me, you must have registration to--

    (The Decepticon ship blows the Control Station to pieces. It then lands at Spaceport Delta-1237, where a security patrol rushes to confront the unwelcome visitors)

    Security: You are unauthorized here! Come with us quietl--

    (Irontread then kills him and makes a really bad quip which I won't repeat here. In the meantime, two Velocitronians rush up to Swerve and co.)

    Swerve: What is it, Clocker?

    Clocker: The security guards at Spaceport Delta-1237 have been killed!

    Swerve: How do you know?

    Clocker: We heard a shot and we went over there and everyone was dead!

    Swerve: Hn. (He then calls someone on his comm) Spiral, this is Swerve. Murder in Delta-1237.

    Spiral: On it. Speed Team, transform and roll out!

    Swerve (to Team Orion): You stay here with Clocker and Brakedown. I must speak with Override Prime.

    Turborun: Override? Wasn't she an Autobot during the Great War?

    Heavypunch: Don't worry. [About what? He was just asking a question] Let's go find a place to rest. Optimus, you coming?

    Optimus Minor: Uh, yeah, I'm just gonna check something out. (He then drives over to see... a spaceship! Gosh! Apparently it's the Chromia Ten, whatever that is, and he rushes to catch up with the rest of the gang.)

    (Meanwhile, with the Decepticons...)

    Megastorm: Blast anyone you see! They shall fall!

    (At that moment, Spiral and her team drive in front of them)

    Oval: Spiral, look! (He transforms and lunges at Megastorm, grabbing onto his turret and flipping onto the tank, a la Kup and Blitzwing in the 1986 movie. However, Megastorm then transforms and tosses him off)

    Spiral: Backtrack, go get High Beam! (She then shoots at Irontread, who easily blasts her away)

    Oval: Hang on, Spiral!

    Megastorm: Oh, you're still here, eh? No matter. (He prepares to kill the Velocitronian, only for a sword to be thrown into his shoulder, heralding the appearance of some guy in a cloak and hood)

    Megastorm: Who are you?!

    Cloaked Dude: None of your business. All you should know is that I've been trained in the arts of Metallikato and Crynium by Sensei Yoketron.

    Skywatch: Yoketron is dead.

    Cloaked Dude: I know.

    Skywatch: Reveal your face, stranger, so I may see your optics as they go dark.

    Cloaked Dude: Very well. I am Wing Dagger, member of Team Avenger. And you shall fall!

    (But enough of that scene! Let's go see what Team Orion is doing! Oh, look! It's nothing!)

    Turborun: Hey, Heavypunch, can you tell me any war stories?

    Heavypunch: No.

    Turborun: Aw, come on! Kup always talks about his!

    Heavypunch: Well, I'm not Kup!

    (At that point, Optimus Minor drives in and sits next to Heavypunch)

    Heavypunch (I really hate that name): What were ya up to, kid?

    Optimus Minor: I saw the Chromia Ten.

    Heavypunch: WHAT?! [Yeah, what? What's the big deal?]

    Optimus Minor: Looks like they're reconstructing it.

    Heavypunch: You know about the Chromia Ten? [I sure don't.]

    Optimus Minor: Yeah. Read about it in History. Why?

    Heavypunch: Nothing, it's just... it confirms Override is indeed here. Override was an Autobot commander during the Great War. She and Silverbolt fought in the Asphalt Wars here on Velocitron. Her ship, the Chromia Ten, was shot down. From what I know, Override and her surviving crew established a colony here. [So why all the surprise earlier?] I don't know if she still has ties with Cybertron....

    Fastfix: Fascinating.

    Turborun: Now can you tell us war stories?!

    Heavypunch: NO!

    (Meanwhile, High Beam's team... look, I really don't know what's going on in this scene. Two bots get killed, but... aren't the 'Cons preoccupied with Wing Dagger? I don't know, whatever. The comic ends with Gigatron's crew arriving on Animatron. Oh boy, another plot thread to follow.)

    To be continued

FEATURED CHARACTERS

    Autobots: Armorfist, Backtrack, Brakedown, Clocker, Fastfix, Getout, Heavypunch, High Beam, Optimus Minor, Oval, Override, Spiral, Stopgap, Swerve, Turborun, Wing Dagger

    Decepticons: Bladespin, Double Punch, Firestorm, Gigatron, Icestorm, Irontread, Megastorm, Sky-Byte, Skywatch, Tarantulas, Terrorsaur, Waspinator

    Others: Crumplezone, Gasket

The Transformers, Issue 50: Velocitron, Chapter One

   This is supposed to be set three years after issue 43. I have no idea if the Shattered Glass arc is immediately before this or three years prior.

A NEW HOPE

    (I am so creative at coming up with titles)

    (We open on Cybertron, where Ironhide is training an Autobot who suspiciously resembles Optimus Prime)

    Ironhide: So... names. What's your name?

    Autobot: None, sir!

    Ironhide: No name, huh? Show me what you got!

    (The Autobot fires rapidly at nothing in particular. This apparently is all the training he gets, for Ironhide then calls it quits before heading over to see the High Council)

    Ironhide: Omega Prime? I believe it's him.

    Omega Prime: I see... Aurex, contact Optimus. But have him stay where he is. [We can't afford any celebrity cameos in this issue]

    (Meanwhile, on the planet Thulsa Doom, two mysterious evil figures confer)

    Evil #1: Is it time?

    Evil #2: I believe so. Oh, Megatron... you were such a fool. The only way to win... is by losing. [...What? How does that work?]

    (Back on Cybertron, the Autobot rookie is brought before Thunder Clash, Ironhide, and Perceptor)

    Autobot: What is it, sir?

    Thunder Clash: Bot, this is very important. You've heard of Optimus Prime?

    Autobot: Yeah... why?

    Thunder Clash: How do I say this...?

    Perceptor: You are his son. [NO! THAT'S NOT TRUE!]

    Autobot: Really?! AWESOME! AM I THE CHOSEN ONE? IS MY NAME OPTIMUS, JR? [I really really hope not]

    Thunder Clash (aside, to Perceptor): Nice going.

    Perceptor: Sorry.

    Autobot: AWESOME, AWESOME! DO I GET MY OWN TEAM?!

    Perceptor: Actually, as a matter of fact, yes. Here they are!

    (A door opens out of nowhere and four Autobots appear)

    Perceptor: May I introduce Fastfix, your medic; Turborun, your warrior; Heavypunch, your mentor; and Armorfist, your weapon's specialist. And your ship... the ARMADA!

    ("Optimus Jr." is amazed by the ship, only for a piece of it to fall off, much to his disappointment)

    Thunder Clash: Anyway, you have a very important mission. You must find the four colony worlds and their Planet Keys. And bring justice to the universe!

    "Optimus Jr.": Can we just go now?

    (We then see the Armada taking off from Cybertron, jumping into hyperspace. On the bridge, our hero muses over his newfound origins)

    "Optimus Jr.": Now only if I knew my name...

    Turborun: How about Optimus Minor?

    Optimus Minor: Yeah... that works. [It's not like anyone else has that name]

    Fastfix: Uh oh.

    Optimus Minor: What do you mean "uh oh"? (He then sees a giant ship floating in front of them) Oh. Uh oh.

    (Back on Thulsa Doom, more evil conferring!)

    ???: What's the plan, Megastorm?

    Megastorm: Quite simple, Gigatron. We wait... then strike.

    Gigatron: That... is the most stupidest plan ever!

    Megastorm: If you have a better idea, let me know.

    Gigatron: Actually, I do! My idea is to attack the Autobots head on!

    Megastorm: You are obviously not a strategist, brother-- huh? (Suddenly, Laserbeak flies in and perches on his arm) Laserbeak? How did you get here? 

    Laserbeak: Caw!

    Gigatron: Speak non-caw.

    Laserbeak: Soundwave let me free right before those Autobots sealed us in the Axiom Nexus prison. He let Buzzsaw and Ravage go too. 

    Gigatron: Hn. Waspinator, anything?

    Waspinator: Yes, Master Gigatron. [Just pretend the 's's are replaced with elongated 'z's.] The Autobots are looking for Planet Keys.

    Megastorm: Planet Keys? Does he mean...?

    Gigatron: Yes. The four colonies. (Both he and his brother grin evilly) Excellent.

    (Back with our heroes, the Armada is being dragged in by the giant ship via tractor beam)

    Heavypunch: Slaggin' tractor beam....

    Turborun: Isn't this a Cybertronian cruiser?

    Heavypunch: I dunno.

    (They end up in the hangar, where we find the ship is run by pirates. The Autobots are then taken prisoner)

    Halfshell: Captain, we've got ye some Autobots!

    Cannonball: Aye, good work, Halfshell. Take them to the bridge!

    Armorfist: Boom, boom.

    Pirate: Huh?

    (Suddenly, another Autobot ship -- captained by Primal Major -- blasts Optimus Minor's team from the pirate ship, making this whole sequence utterly pointless. The Armada then sets off for Velocitron, the Speed Planet)

    (Back on Thulsa Doom...)

    Gigatron: Well, brother, I am off to Animatron to speak with Flame Convoy. 

    Megastorm: And I'm off to find the colony worlds. [Animatron is a colony world....] 

    (As Gigatron flies off, Megastorm clenches his fist angrily)

    Megastorm: Soon, brother, you'll be kneeling before your new Lord of Destruction. This, Megastorm swears....

    To be continued

FEATURED CHARACTERS

    Autobots: Armorfist, Aurex, Fastfix, Heavypunch, Ironhide, Omega Prime, Optimus Minor, Perceptor, Primal Major, Thunder Clash, Turborun

    Decepticons: Gigatron, Laserbeak, Megastorm, Waspinator

    Star Seekers: Cannonball, Halfshell