THE TRANSWARP BLASTER
The latest addition to my little “crew” (okay, our crew; Krok still calls the shots and his loser friends would rather listen to him than to me) is the Transwarp Blaster. Now, it might sound strange to call a weapon a crewmember, but see, the Transwarp Blaster isn’t just a weapon but a living being… three of them to be precise.
The Interstellar Marauders, as they call themselves, are led by Boom Tube. You might find that hard to believe given her ditzy behavior, but don’t let that fool you; beneath her eccentric facade is actually a very focused and dedicated tactician. Jump Drive supports that by being very methodical, which is good since he’s in charge of keeping track of their inventory. And then there’s Starburst, who is good enough at keeping his teammates tuned up… it’s just that he doesn’t do the same for himself and thus smells really, really bad. If it weren’t for the fact that he’s a skilled medic, the other two probably would’ve ditched him long ago.
I first learned about them through Foldspace. He used to hang out with them back on Micron; they were pretty much the only ones who would tolerate his presence and the closest he had to actual friends. When the Consortia attacked, the Marauders were already several steps ahead of everyone else and had already constructed a ship of their own. They left Micron along with Foldspace; unfortunately they didn’t get very far as their ship was quickly shot down and pulled in by a Consortia vessel. The four of them were taken captive and later sold off to separate clients; Foldspace went to a Quintesson named Maxa (long story, I’ll save that for next time) while the Marauders went to some rich guy from the Vestial Imperium.
(Foldspace, what was his name again? …Right. How do you spell that again?)
Yeah, some guy called “Mobedyar Daggerthrust the Lesser of Vestum Minor.” Anyway, he didn’t have them for long ‘cos he was dumb enough to gamble ‘em away in a high stakes game of Triad on Monacus, losing them to Swindle of all ‘bots. Yes, that Swindle. See, this was during the “False Calm” between the Autobots and Decepticons after Prime and Megs disappeared following the Cataclysm. Swindle had taken temporary leave from the Combaticons and joined a crew with his brother Hardtop. Swindle probably thought he was the one calling the shots, but that didn’t last long either as shortly after he got kicked out by the crew’s ambitious science officer Brushguard.
See, Brushguard had a particular interest with the Interstellar Marauders and their combined form. During the war, he had been a part of the Sigma Project, an attempt by the Decepticons to weaponize transwarp technology. Even after the project was abandoned, Brushguard continued to develop formulas and whatnot, and saw the Interstellar Marauders as the perfect opportunity to put his ideas to the test. After kicking Swindle out, he got to work and spent the next several decades experimenting on the three Mini-Cons.
Progress was slow as most of the good stuff was in the hands of either the Autobots or the Decepticon high brass (or, hell, even the Secret Order), but he eventually got what he wanted: the Transwarp Blaster. One blast from this beauty could send anyone anywhere in the galaxy. And I do mean “anywhere”; you couldn’t use it in lieu of a space bridge or something, ‘cos the odds of you ending up on Velocitron were just as equal as ending up in a black hole on the edge of the Malus Expanse.
In the hands of anyone else, the Transwarp Blaster would have made that ‘bot an unstoppable conqueror feared by all. But Brushguard ain’t that kind of ‘bot. He didn’t make the Transwarp Blaster to conquer; he just made it to show off to everyone that he was just as capable of making technological advancements as someone like Flatline or Scalpel. Unfortunately, by the time he was finished with his work, the war had ended and no one had a need for a Transwarp Blaster. And so Brushguard was once again ignored by everyone.
Having spent all of his funds on making the T.B., Brushguard was left with not choice but to go crawling back to Swindle, who had since set up operations on Hedonia with a new crew. As it so happens, I was there with Krok’s crew for some reprieve after the Prime Wars business before we got to work with finding Mini-Cons. As soon as he laid optics on the Transwarp Blaster, Swindle immediately saw Shanix signs and held a huge auction for it. By a sheer twist of fate, Mobedyar Daggerthrust the Lesser was also there and eagerly put a bid on it (I’m not sure if he realized the weapon was made up of the three Mini-Cons he used to own centuries ago. He doesn’t strike me as the sharpest tool in the shed; otherwise, he wouldn’t be “the Lesser,” am I right?). He was quickly matched by a lot of big players, from Senator Feh’d to Initial T.
I wasn’t gonna partake, until Foldspace pointed out to me that the Transwarp Blaster looked a lot like his old Mini-Con pals. A quick scan proved he was right and I immediately sprung into action. I had to convince Krok and his buddies to help me pitch in. Between all seven of us, we were barely able to match Initial T’s bid, and it was only when I offered a Maelstrom Exchequer I had picked up on Sargasso that Swindle took our offer.
Everything seemed to be in the bag until Brushguard’s crewmates barged in. Apparently, they had just realized what the Transwarp Blaster was capable of (and what it was worth) and that they could make a big name for themselves with it in their hands. I couldn’t blame them, ‘cos a lot of Brushguard’s crew were just a buncha nobodies. There’s Hardtop, of course, Swindle’s forgotten brother; Buzz Saw, who I guess was desperate enough to reformat into a Predacon body to stand out from everyone else; some Battlecharger who looks like Runabout but isn’t Runabout ‘cos he has blue instead of red (and, y’know, Runabout’s dead); and a nobody Seeker called Hotlink.
Before anyone knew it, weapons were being drawn and everyone was pointin’ them at everyone. I think Spinister was even pointing his gun to his own head without even realizin’ it (and Misfire says he’s a hidden savant….). Swindle, of course, tried to calm everyone down but nobody was listenin’ to him. It wasn’t until Trickdiamond, some Camien lass working with Swindle, called for a free round of drinks. That got the organics in the room distracted, but we mechs were still pointing guns at each other. I’ll admit, I was pretty worried that one of the Scavengers was gonna take the first shot; Spinister would’ve probably just blasted his own face off, but Misfire… like I said, he earned his name for a reason. He might not hit his intended target, but he will hit something… and I don’t wanna be that something.
Thankfully, Nickel’s a quick thinker. She rolled over to Swindle, snatched the Transwarp Blaster from his hands, and fired it at Hardtop. There was a bright flash of light—bright enough that I needed to shield my optics—and when it was gone, so was Hardtop. She then pointed it at the other ‘Cons and put on the bravest face I had ever seen a Mini-Con put on.
“All right,” she said, “who’s next?”
Boy, I’d never seen someone transform and roll out so fast in my entire life. I guess Tarn rubbed off on her and passed on his intimidation tactics to the little gal. Brushguard and the rest of his wannabe gang emptied out and Swindle hastily closed our deal. I couldn’t tell if he was shaken up by his brother’s disappearance or just shaken up in general, but to be honest, I didn’t really care. We just freed three Mini-Cons; sure, there’s still thousands more out there, but three’s still better than nothin’.
Boom Tube and her boys were given the choice of striking out on their own again, but after reuniting with Foldspace, they’ve decided to stick around with us, if only for some protection from the Consortia in case we run into them. And hey, maybe people will think twice about crossing us if they know we can send them halfway across the galaxy simply by pulling a trigger.
No comments:
Post a Comment